Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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