I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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