i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
