Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
