____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
