Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
