New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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