I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
