gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
