I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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