dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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