cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
