I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
