he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize