she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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