Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
