I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
