If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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