dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you have to choose: penises or morals?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
