I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
