My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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