She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
two words...techno handjob
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
