I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
