Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
