i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
