i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
