I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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