I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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