And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
