and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A bitchslap is in order.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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