His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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