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My balls are so social today.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Randomize
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