OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"