I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?