i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.