a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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