i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
