He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
