I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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