Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
