dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
