all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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