We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
