I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
