i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
