Michael Bay diarrhea
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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