im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
