this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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