So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
