did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
