You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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