You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
