Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
