I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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