i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
