i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
