Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
