Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
