There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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