You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
