it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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