I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
