When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
