HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
