On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
