my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
