Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
