5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
