dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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