I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
